Rarely
does a week go by that I don’t get a phone call or an email from a parent of
one of our students explaining an “issue” or “drama” or potential “bullying”
that their child is experiencing via social media. If it isn’t a parent calling
it is a student approaching me with an issue that they are having in the
virtual world. The fact that students and parents are coming forward and
looking for help and support is a good thing. It’s actually a really good
thing. My concern is that the problem of inappropriate use of social media seems
to be growing and occurring at earlier ages than what we saw even a few years
ago.
Inappropriate
behavior on social media is prevalent across the country, especially by
adolescents who more frequently seem to be handed a device of some sort and let
loose without any restrictions or limits or expectations. At the middle level we often refer to Mondays
as “Cyber Mondays” as we are almost certain to have to deal with the fallout of
something that happened over the weekend – totally unrelated to school, but
being brought into school because it involves our students. The result is that
as a school we spend a considerable amount of time investigating it; talking
with our students, talking with parents and trying to effectively educate both on
proper use of social media. Our key message is if there aren’t any
restrictions, limits or more involvement on the home front then it isn’t going
to get any better. The cycle will, and does, repeat itself.
This year
I find myself spending more time than ever before talking to parents about how
to get more engaged with their kid’s online life. A large percentage of parents
that I talk to say that they don’t have the time, the energy or the expertise to
stay on top of what their children are doing online. My main point is this: as parents
we can’t afford NOT to stay on top of what our children are doing online. As an
educator that has spent nearly twenty years at the middle level, it is clear
that our middle school kids are NOT
ready to be unchecked on social media. Parents MUST get in the game,
monitor their kids and set limits. This isn’t exclusively a school issue and it
isn’t exclusively a home issue. This is everyone’s issue that ALL adults need
to be engaged with and take ownership of if we want our students to grow into
productive, caring, responsible citizens of the world.
Even with
all of the potential negatives, social media with its ability to connect with
people throughout the world in real time is a powerful and important tool. Our
primary charge is to prepare students for their future. So the answer isn’t to
eliminate the use of technology for our adolescents or to ban them from social
media, but we do have to more slowly and intentionally give them their online
freedom. And we do need to stay educated on the latest and greatest of what is
happening in the online lives of adolescents.
Here are
some suggested DO’s and DON’T’s for parents and kids at the middle level that I
have come across over the years from a variety of places:
- Don’t allow kids to use devices in their rooms or in other private areas of the house.
- Don’t connect with or 'friend' people that you don’t know.
- Don’t use your full name for any accounts or in posts
- Don’t give personal information to people such as phone number, address or the school you attend
- Don’t meet anyone in person that you connect with online
- Don’t reply to messages that harass you or make you feel uncomfortable
- Don’t share passwords with anyone but your parents
- Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want your parents, grandparents, teachers or a coach to see
- Do block bullies or inappropriate people
- Do report people that harass or bully others to your parents and/or school
- Do use privacy settings that different APPs offer – keep your accounts private, not public
- Do tell your children that you will monitor their posts and activity on social media
- Do limit technology use = set a specific time limit for kids
- Do put devices away at 9 PM and go to bed
- Do charge devices in a common area of the house (not in the bedroom!)
- Do have ‘device-free’ times such as during meals or right before bed
- Do take the device away from your child if they are engaged in inappropriate behavior
- Do keep an open dialogue with your kids about social media – you’re not harassing them, you’re being a parent!
Some of these suggestions will be
hard for parents and kids to deal with. Some of these won’t go over very well
in some homes. But the time to start putting some clear expectations into place
in order to promote a safer and more positive online experience has to start
now. This is just too important in the short and long term for our kid’s social
and emotional development and well-being not to take action right away.
In addition to those DO’s and
DON’T’s, the links below are to two very good articles that parents and
guardians of middle school students should absolutely take the time to read.
How
to Prepare Your Child for Online Networking
Social
Media 101: Five Things Parents Need To Do Right Now
Both
middle schools are currently working on putting together an informational
presentation for parents and guardians of our middle school students this
spring to help provide you with tools and strategies to help get you more
involved in your child’s online lives. As soon as we get the logistics worked
out we will get the date and time out to everyone. We really hope that we get a
large turnout and that we can help more parents and guardians 'get in the game'.
Continued
Success,
Steve Dunham
